File Under "Can Only End in Tears"

Gregg Goldstein reports that Wong Kar-Wai has accidentally signed away the United States distribution rights to his first English-language film, My Blueberry Nights, to the man pictured to your right. The suspect is reported to be a white male, approximately 50-55 years old, just over six feet tall, weighing from 230 to 250 pounds. The suspect should be considered armed and extremely dangerous; past victims have cited scissors monogrammed HW as his weapon of choice; he was last seen at a hardware store in Tribeca buying shelving materials with a possible accomplice known only as "Bob."

THIS JUST IN: The traumatized Wong acknowledged knowing his alleged assailant:

"Ten years ago, Harvey Weinstein played a key role in introducing my work to American audiences with Chungking Express, " said Wong, who was the jury president at May's Festival de Cannes. "It's a pleasure to be reunited with an old friend at this new phase of my career."

If you see this man, do not approach him or attempt to persuade him to relinquish Wong's negative. Remain calm and notify the authorities immediately. No film starring Jude Law is worth your life.

Posted at November 10, 2006 3:44 PM